


Loving Him

by DontLeaveMeMyDear



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontLeaveMeMyDear/pseuds/DontLeaveMeMyDear
Summary: Yesung fell in love with a certain Choi Siwon...as simple as that. But it didn't feel that simple in reality for Yesung at one night when he thought about his feelings for the guy.
Relationships: Choi Siwon/Kim Jongwoon | Yesung
Kudos: 15





	Loving Him

**Author's Note:**

> As always, more fluff. ^^;   
> Just a small Yesung x Siwon oneshot story, taking place after Yesung came back from his one month military training before he worked in public service duty~

Yesung knew, from the moment he felt that jittery feeling in his stomach whenever **he** ’s around, he knew. He thought it wouldn't matter or it wouldn't affect his feelings nor situations for long yet now he realized otherwise. There’s nothing that is more painful than dealing with this kind of feel. When you know you’re screwed because you start to love someone too deeply. And you can only think about how wrong the thought of you and him together is. He wanted to let go of this feeling, of course he wanted to. But it’s not like he could just shut down his heart and he **couldn’t,** for the life of his, ignore **him.**

The guy he’s in love with, sometimes he wondered why and how had his feelings changed for the guy. Maybe it was after that one time when he slipped on a puddle (courtesy of Donghae and Kyuhyun, they’re like a child when they wash the dishes) and he’s amazed at how fast **he** reacted toward him to prevent the painful fall that fortunately never happened. He was shocked, the guy’s hands were hooked under his armpits and ended up circling around his chest because of the awkward position of his bent leg. The back of his head rested on the guy’s chest and when he looked up, he almost cursed out loud because _FUCK!_ The guy had the nerve to give him a gentle loving smile from that near distance. It rendered him speechless. He couldn’t react at all. They stared for a few seconds before the people who caused the puddle laughed out loud.

“Ahahahaha. As expected, Yesung hyung is the one who would likely be the first to have slipped on the puddle.” Kyuhyun, he thought, could be such an ass sometimes. But he’s used to it and he had promised not to get angry with the brat though sometimes he was annoyed too. Also, Kyuhyun never had gone too far with his mischiefs so he let it slide so far. The maknae was just too adorable sometimes. It’s different with the guy who helped him though, it seemed like the frown marred on the guy’s expression told us that he couldn’t let Kyu’s mischief go this time.

“Kyu, you should’ve apologized. Yesungie hyung could have been badly injured and instead you laughed?” the stern voice yet still had a little of that gentle tone showed that at the time the guy was being serious. Kyuhyun just raised his eyebrows at the guy. It’s like they were having a stare battle and.. hey! he was still in the awkward position, his hands were starting to go numb. He cleared his throat and finally tried to stand up properly which resulted in the guy breaking his glare contest and helped him balance his body once more.

“A-ah, it’s okay Siwon-ah.. I’m fine. Thank you for saving me” he grinned sheepishly “It’s partly my fault anyways, I wasn’t being careful and hopped in the kitchen, hehe.”

“Ahh, be careful hyung~ We have a performance tomorrow. We couldn’t go on without you~” ah.. Siwon started to talk in that teasing voice of his. Most times he’s always gentle, sometimes he can be flirty, other times he’s unbelievably childish. And at that time Yesung thought the sudden faster beats of his heart were caused by the adrenaline in his blood because of his nearly fall-painfully-on-his-butt-accident. All in all, yes, I think he had developed his feeling since then and it hadn’t stopped until now. Until now...

He can’t even regret it. He never regrets falling in love with a certain Choi member in Super Junior. He knows it’ll be hard. From all people, or at least from all Super Junior members, why does he have to fall in love with the ‘perfect religious guy’ Choi Siwon? He wonders too if things will be different if he fell for any other members instead like Heechul hyung probably, or Kibum, or even Kangin... will it ever turn out to be like this? He feels a little hopeless.

He walks to his apartment with his parents and brother from the parking lot. He had spent the day helping his parents and Jongjin at his cafe, again. Ugh he really shouldn’t think about how free he is until now even after he enlisted as a public service soldier. It makes him feel like he’s worthless, like he’s not needed in any departments. It makes him crave more to do what he does best, singing. And he’s missing his members, especially that person. It has been two days since the others came back from Indonesia. He shouldn’t be selfish but he’s been down more lately because his members haven’t had any time to visit him except for Donghae and Kangin. Sungmin and Ryeowook have their musicals, Eunhyuk has Barefooted Friends, Kyuhyun has so many things going on for him besides preparing for Henry’s upcoming mini album, and Shindong, well he said he’s going to treat him to lunch tomorrow.

He knows it’s partly a lie, the main reason why he’s more down lately is because Siwon hasn’t contacted him since his release from the training center. Usually Siwon would be the first, if not, second to contact him on occasions like these to catch up with each other. The last time Siwon contacted him was when the other was in New York, a day before his enlistment. The conversation didn’t really go as expected to say the least. It was filled with awkward silence and then a little bit of encouraging words such as _‘come back well hyung’_ , _‘don’t worry, you’ll be fine’_ , _‘we’ll always wait for you’_ and he was the first to say _‘I’ll miss you’_. He couldn’t remember what Siwon said after that because he was busy calming his erratic heartbeat. And for the life of him, he didn’t know why he thought that that was the best time to confess his feelings for the guy.

“--S-siwon-ah“ he remembers he had interrupted Siwon when the other was in the middle of asking when he would be back from the training center.

Silence ensued after that. He doesn’t know why it happened. Maybe Siwon could feel his nervousness and the abrupt loud voice he suddenly blurted out might cause the other to think that he had something urgent to tell about. He could hear Siwon clearing his throat then “what is i-“

“I love you!” He had shut his eyes tightly back then.

“Hyung…”

But before Siwon could say anything about the matter, he hurriedly said “I- I mean, of course I love you, y-you love me too right? We’re team members, we’re like siblings already. And I- I love you Siwon-ah.. I- I’m sorry. Forget what I said. Have a great day Siwon-ah. Thanks for calling me. Till I see you again” and closed the line.

He chuckles. How stupid he was, he thinks. He remembers chanting _stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid Jongwoon_ to himself after the phone call. Until now he wonders if Siwon took the real meaning of his ‘I love you’, he was being really transparent he doubts Siwon wouldn’t get what he really meant. That guy is not that thick, surely Siwon would have easily caught his real intention right? And if that’s the case, he feels like Siwon is avoiding him now..

“Oh! Siwon-hyung, what are you doing here?” he swears he tripped a little just now hearing what his brother just said. He looks up and there the object of his musing is standing with his back lining up on the wall next to his apartment’s door. He realizes his eyes widened and he has stopped his feet from walking even closer to the door.

He sees his mother hugs Siwon and asking how he is and inviting him to go inside to have a little chat and perhaps a cup of coffee. Which Siwon replies with that damn blinding smile of his again and a slight shake of his head.

“I’m sorry mom (just imagine he said eommonie), I need to talk to Yesung-hyung for a second. It won’t be long. I promise I’ll visit again soon and I’ll bring gifts next time”

Such a smooth talker. No wonder all mothers adore Siwon. He wonders if his mother adores Siwon enough to let him be her son-in-law. Soon though, his parents and Jongjin have gone into the apartment, leaving him and Siwon just staring into each other. Well just for a few seconds before he averts his eyes to Siwon’s big feet. He smiles a little seeing that Siwon is wearing a slipper with Brown character from LINE app. The guy said it’s his favorite character from LINE. He guesses his favorite is Cony then. (Brown and Cony are supposed to be a couple at LINE)

He’s startled when he sees the said feet are starting to walk toward him. Until they stop right in front of him.

“Hyung, do you mind taking a walk with me for a while? Let’s go to that park over there.”

Thank God, it’s not winter right now or he would absolutely be reluctant to agree with Siwon’s request. It’s almost midnight as he checks his watch before finally agreeing to Siwon by giving him a slight nod.

“So how have you been hyung?”

He realizes it’s just a light talk as a way to start the conversation. He sees Siwon staring ahead of them with an unreadable expression. He tries to decipher what those expression on the younger’s face mean.

“I’ve been well… “ Siwon nods to his answer and continues to walk as the almost comfortable silence surrounds them once again.

“So… aren’t you going to ask how have I been hyung?”

He chuckles a bit before answering, “You drove to my apartment from your favorite gym at midnight so I can guess that you’ve been really well Siwon-ah.”

“Ah come on hyung, you’re no fun. Ask me, Ask me~!”

“Alright, how have you been Siwonnie?” he adds a little teasing tone at the end of his question.

“I’ve been missing you so much, hyung~”

Ahh there it is, the flirty Siwon is making an appearance. It never fails to make him blush though. The calm beat of his heart starts changing to a more rapid pace as he hides his face after seeing that Siwon just grins at him brightly. He feels himself melting on the inside as Siwon grabs his hand and pulls him to a swing.

He is surprised though that Siwon takes a seat on the swing immediately and swings himself lightly. He can’t help but to fall more in love with the guy that it suffocates him to just even breath while watching the precious scene in front of him. Siwon will always be his unpredictably adorable cute dongsaeng.

“hyung, come sit on my lap.” Siwon motions his hand, offering his lap to him while still swinging himself lightly.

“W-what?”

“Come on just sit on my lap~ let loose a little. Nobody’s around.”

Well, a chance like this won’t come around very often right? To sit on the lap of someone you love. He sits himself on Siwon’s lap and feels a hand sneaks around his middle. He starts to feel the gentle swinging of their bodies. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back a little, letting it rest on Siwon’s shoulder.

Ahh, it’s heaven right now for him. He loves the fact that this is the natural occurrence between Siwon and him. They aren’t really awkward to initiate skinship like this, he’s pretty sure Siwon enjoys things like this. Even though it seems intimate (and he wants it to be an intimate moment for them) Siwon does it openly, and with other members too. Though he can tell that all the other members aren’t really comfortable with Siwon’s advances. He giggles a little when he remembers how Eunhyuk, Donghae, and Kyuhyun complained to him, reporting how Siwon messed with them on concerts. The sound of his giggles catches Siwon’s attention.

“What are you laughing at, hyung?” Siwon places his chin on his shoulder, trying to see his face.

“Nothing~ I just feel funny right now.”

“Oh... Ok then. By the way hyung, how come you knew I was at my favorite gym before I came here? Did you plant any tracking device on me without me knowing before?”

Oh gosh how can he not love this guy.

“Siwon, you watch too many action movies. Do you think I’m a spy?” He pokes Siwon’s arm that is clinging to his waist line.

“No.. but I think you’d make an awesome ninja hyung~ “ He chuckles and soon after, He finds Siwon and himself laughing at their conversation.

“Ok jokes aside. I knew it since I noticed it from what you’re wearing Siwonnie.. You’ve always worn a tight shirt, shorts, and slippers when you go working out. And you’ll usually put your sneakers inside the locker at the gym so it won’t be worn out easily.” He smiles at Siwon noticing how the gentle swinging comes to a stop.

“Hyung, you know so much about me.. Are you sure you’re not my stalker?” Siwon chuckles when he hits him lightly.

_I’m not your stalker Siwon-ah.. I just love_ you _so much that I’ve been paying too much attention in everything you do.._

“Hyung, Do you remember our last conversation on the phone?” Siwon continues when he doesn’t elaborate much on his last statement.

He catches his breath in his throat , his body tenses a little bit in Siwon’s arm.

“Y-yeah.. what’s about i-it?”

He feels the gentle swinging continues and he relaxes a little bit.

“You know, when you said you love me.. well, do you still love me hyung?”

“W-wha.. Of course Siwon, y-you’re my precious dongsaeng. I love you so much” he lifts his head up and directs his stare at the opposite direction of Siwon’s face.

Silence ensues again. He swears he’s starting to hate this silence. It makes him more nervous than he already is.

“You know as much as I do that I don’t mean that kind of ‘love’ hyung..”

Before he realizes it, tears are starting to well up in his eyes. Fuck. Why is he crying? Is he afraid of what Siwon may do next? He’s so scared that Siwon will leave him after he knows the truth. Although in the back of his mind there’s a little voice there that says Siwon is not that kind of person, Siwon wont leave his hyung alone no matter what the result of this love ordeal is. It reassures him a little.

“Hyung, are you crying?” Siwon must have felt him trembling and his short breath isn’t really that discreet either.

“Why are you crying hyung?” Siwon lifts his left hand which was holding onto his waist to try grabbing his chin to see his face.

It doesn’t work though since he’s now unbalanced and threatened to fall off from Siwon’s lap to the ground. “Oops---“ Siwon tries to catch him back but what can two adults do when they’re already not fit for the swings and one is going to fall off? It results in both of them falling on their knees. Because he was generally on Siwon’s laps before, Siwon pushes his body down to the sandy ground when they fall.

“Ooff---“

Siwon immediately turns them over before the guy crushes him any longer. Siwon is now laying on the ground with him on top of him, both of them staring into the dark starless night sky. But there’s a full moon though. It makes him feel even more melancholic and his tears fall one by one again.

“Hyung, Would you look at me please?” Siwon whispers gently to his ear. His big hand already reaching to the other side of his face to turn his face over. Yesung decides he’ll humor Siwon this time and complies, turning his body on top of Siwon till they can see face to face.

Siwon smiles gently and works on wiping away his tears. He can only continue to sob.

“Please stop crying...” and he can see Siwon’s eyes sadden a bit after saying it.

“I—I just.. I’m scared Siwon... I don’t want you to leave me if you know that I.. I love you in that way..”

“And in what way is that?” Siwon teases him a little with a playful smirk on his lips. Bastard. It makes him pout his lips because now he feels silly for crying earlier.

He squints his eyes to glare at Siwon for being insensitive right now. Though it doesn’t last for long since he does the opposite right now. He widens his eyes when Siwon grabs the back of his neck and pulls him to the other’s lips. He can feel the smirk still marred on Siwon’s lips which makes him determine to wipe it off of the other’s face. He makes his lips mold over Siwon’s a bit harder and he can see Siwon closes his eyes slowly. He closes his eyes when he feels a hand cupping his cheek and another hand circling over his middle once again.

When they pull apart, he slowly retracts to his position and tries to control his breath on Siwon’s chest. The latter is also panting, judging from the quick rise and fall of his chest and he can heard the faint sound of Siwon’s fast heart beat. He can’t keep his smile off his face now.

He finally looks up and stares at those honest eyes softly.

“So I guess you love me in that way too?” he stares at his companion under him with eyes full of hope.

“Nope, because I’m not sure in what way do you love me hyung.”

“Siwonnnnn~ Stop playing with my feelings.”

Siwon raises his thick eyebrows waiting for him to give up and give the other the answer he wants.

“Fine. I love you as in ‘I want you to be my boyfriend & my lover’ kind of love. Happy?”

Siwon chuckles and changes his position to sit up, bringing him up along with him.

“Yes, very happy. Aesongie-hyung..”

“YAH! Masiblando! Don’t call me that.. or I’ll have to murder Eunhyuk when I meet him.”

“Okay Yesungie~ come on, let’s get up. My legs feel itchy for laying on this sand for too long.”

They get up supporting each other’s body until they get their balance back on their feet.

Their stares fall to each other’s eyes before smiling once again and attaching their lips back together.. spending the rest of their night kissing and talking under the moonlight at that park.

Meanwhile...

“Yeah, it won’t be long my ass.. just say you’re going to keep my brother for the rest of the night” Jongjin rolls his eyes at his hyung and his soon to be brother-in-law, he thinks, amused. He closes the curtain and prepares for bed before looking at his hyung’s pets.

“I guess I’m going to take care of you more guys.. since Jongwoon-hyung will be preoccupied with his love life from now on.”

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> An old one-shot I wrote when I missed Yesung and Siwon so much back then.
> 
> I'm trying to write again, I hope I can finish more stories. Including the incomplete multi-chapter fic I wrote back then.


End file.
